Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My cat gives me a boner
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
