bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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