Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
