He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
