I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize