every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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