Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
