It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
