Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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