Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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