I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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