You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
