Just took my morning after pill in the library
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
