Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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