I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
