I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
