There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
