C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
