i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
