I cockslap morals
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize