We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
