This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
