Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I AM VODKA MAN
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
