im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
