peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was CRYING into my vagina
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
