If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
