Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize