it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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