I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
