He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
