I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
