I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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