life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
