My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
