Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
