I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
