I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
