Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
