Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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