Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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