K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
