My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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