how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize