I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
