Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
