these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
