shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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