"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Two words: blizzard sex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
