I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize