: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
