Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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