My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
