Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
