peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
