you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I believe in your delicious
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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