Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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