I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
