how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
