the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
