when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
