i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
