I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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