from now on my penis is your penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
