i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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