This girl is more easily done than said...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I take back everything I said about communal showers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
