Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
