I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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