And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
