i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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