Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
