Kiss
Puke
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want to be your penis for a week.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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