hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
