I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
