i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
