I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
