It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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